frustrating!!

i'm feeling dead sketchy and anxious today. i somehow imagined i'd be feeling really different to this this week... i keep feeling nervous about seeing certain people at pedro and doug's next week instead of focusing on positives to do with next friday. I think if i'm honest i'm probably nervous about things to do with that really... just not wanting to admit it. this is silly...


Shyness is nice, and
Shyness can stop you
From doing all the things in life
You'd like to

Shyness is nice, and
Shyness can stop you
From doing all the things in life
You'd like to


So, if there's something you'd like to try
If there's something you'd like to try
ASK ME - I WON'T SAY "NO" - HOW COULD I ?


Coyness is nice, and
Coyness can stop you
From saying all the things in
Life you'd like to


So, if there's something you'd like to try
If there's something you'd like to try
ASK ME - I WON'T SAY "NO" - HOW COULD I ?


Spending warm Summer days indoors
Writing frightening verse
To a buck-toothed girl in Luxembourg


ASK ME, ASK ME, ASK ME
ASK ME, ASK ME, ASK ME


Because if it's not Love
Then it's the Bomb, the Bomb, the Bomb, the Bomb, the Bomb, the Bomb, the Bomb
That will bring us together


Nature is a language - can't you read ?
Nature is a language - can't you read ?


SO ... ASK ME, ASK ME, ASK ME
ASK ME, ASK ME, ASK ME


Because if it's not Love
Then it's the Bomb, the Bomb, the Bomb, the Bomb, the Bomb, the Bomb, the Bomb
That will bring us together


If it's not Love
Then it's the Bomb
Then it's the Bomb
That will bring us together


SO ... ASK ME, ASK ME, ASK ME
ASK ME, ASK ME, ASK ME
Oh, la ...


haha. not sure quite why. but yes.

and that's another thing. i was in manchester at the weekend and john and I went to the smiths and morrisey disco. what a joy!! i never really thought that i'd enjoy so much smiths so much. lots of ideas came out of it too.. funnily enough. but i was drunk as a skunk and said a lot of things the wrong way. i'm just feeling like i'm being a bit of a knob at the moment... like i've been freaked out, to be honest, by a few thoughts i've had - so i keep spouting them out in the wrong way or unnecessarily and being a fool.

it seems like big shit but i think i just need to get over it. so what. it's all the same anyway. like that thought i had back in the summer when it was all first starting to occur to me.. about existence being like complex paper chains... u know - like u can push it together and it's just one mass as it were - it is just ONE thing - and everything connects up as much as it possibly could EVERYWHERE - cos it's one thing. but when it's pulled out - where the lines cross and how becomes so complicated. and they can seem so significant, and then, u know, they're really just moments in time. they'll last forever and for an instant and flicker back and forth in how much u can see them (or how much they effect you perhaps, or use them to make sense of the world) but really - it's not like they actually mean anything. other than that we're all connected. all the time. and all dead seperate too. and that's confusing.

i was watching the 2nd part of a programme on stephen hawking/physics last night. fooking hell! it blows my mind. they were sort of saying this too. haha. maybe.

just some bizarre thoughts anyway. i think i trust that things will be ok. it's just a bit scary right now. i've got the most fantastic week or so lined up but i could well come out the other side of it without a job, and maybe without/on the brink of loosing other things that really massively matter to me too. massively. u know. not gonna let that happen. that's not gonna happen. but it's scary. and then thinkin about going to that party and seeing that kid seems a whole lot harder, u know?

silly.

it's gonna be great! there's so much goodness and potential in all of it. fookin silver apples and felix kubin tomorrow!!! i just wish i was feeling a bit stronger in myself.